Nerd Up

Fuck Plan B, I’m getting over with Plan A!

First off, I hate remakes, I think it’s lazy film making and is basically Hollywood studios cashing in on its own intellectual property. Sure it’s passed off as a homage to the classics of yesteryear, sure it’s been updated to be more accessible for today’s audiences, but enough is enough, certain movies should not be remade, if a movie is already considered “Classic”, what needs to be changed? In a nutshell, the movie was what you expected, it sucks. Good eye candy, little story, and some ok performances from the movies leads. I honestly think keanu was perfectly cast as a (bumba) Klatu, I know I just broke a nerd rule, but hear me out.

I’ve read the complaints from various sources that the plot seems to get lost in the special effects, I’m guessing movie audiences need to be spoon fed plot these days, but that is beside the point. This movie fails for one reason, the casting of Jaden Smith (aka Will Smith’s kid), as the rambunctious annoying foil to the grown up characters. I’ll just put it out there, I hate this kid. His performance should go down in cinema infamy with Darth Vader yelling “no” and those goddamn annoying robots from the Black Hole.

He does serve a purpose and is an integral role to the advancement of the plot. The argument could be made that Jaden’s character is the movies true villain. It’s not humanity destroying the environment, or Klatu’s robot homie (GORT), or even the “evil” US Defense Secretary. No, all these forces are basically doing what nature intended, Jaden’s character is the true personification of evil. From initially wanting to destroy the alien, to then selfishly wanting the alien to resurrect his relatives,  those come from fear. The truest act of villainy is dropping dime on Keanu after he saved your punk ass. “A hug from you could be a federal squeeze”. nobody likes a snitch.

“No he’s going home” …. that’s right, -$15

A couple of days ago G4 posted a story about a slew of 80’s movies being optioned for remakes. Remakes in my mind have never been cool, let me run down a short list for you; “The Honey Mooners”, “The Flinstones 2″,”Psycho”, were any of these movies good? I caught the Honeymooners Remake on AMC, I wanted to shoot my TV.  It’s almost like directors, much like musicans are finding it a little too comfortable covering other works of art, which in my mind when done right, yeah, it can be hot (Tom Jones “I Who Have Nothing”), but on the flip side you have “Rap is Outta Control 2002″. I’m ranting, but back to the mater at hand,  how can they remake this movie? The scene above features (then former) WWF supreme badasss Rowdy Roddy beating the snot out of Keith David (aka the Arbeter from Halo).  Who can fill those shoes, do we really need to see Jason Stathom forcing The Rock to put on RayBans. Enough with the remakes, I’m all out of bubble gum.